Dating Nightmare #5 - Mr. Needy

So, I met this guy on Match - lets call him "Dave".

On Match, Dave presented himself as a sales engineer from the midwest, living in Boston.  He worked for a really great company, and had been out of a relationship for what he told me had been a couple of years, and was just looking to expand his network of gay friends.  He worked out regularly at the gym, liked to dance, and was pleasant enough.  He was a member of the gay professionals Meetup group in Boston, which I had joined, and while I hadn't been to a meet up yet, he seemed to attend regularly.  So, we chatted online for a few days, and then moved off to SMS instant messaging.

His previous relationship of 10 years had been with a man who was married to a woman through an arranged marriage.  To top it off, I guess he got the guy a job at his firm, and they continued to work around the corner from each other and on assignments to gather.  Geez, how could I have missed all of those red flags?!?  I suggested we meet  a few times, but he was busy with work travel, so we chatted on and off for a couple of weeks, and then moved on to speaking on the phone.

While I was initially attracted to our ability to discuss technology and current events, our talks seemed to often devolve into some sort of counseling session.  Discussions about his ex, and the possibility he was a narcissist like mine was.  Discussions about his workplace, and the ethics of working alongside his ex.  Discussions about the fact that he wasn't actually out to his family or work.  Discussions about how to maximize his workout sessions.  Boxing tips.  How did I deal with the end of my relationship so easily (?).  He kept talking about how his breakup made him want to change his life.  He would talk about his ex constantly, and while he wouldn't see a therapist, I somehow allowed myself to be his listening board.  When not looking for therapy, he was constantly showing off his new this or that which he purchased.  Renovated this in the house, or added this deck, or bought this new grill, or learned how to make this cuisine.  He was an incessant show off.  I'm flying here today, meeting with X tonight.

After going back and forth over the course of a month, we finally managed to schedule an opportunity to meet at a place in Boston.  Of course, he was late.  The place was crowded, and he insisted on eating at the bar (which is not something I'm particularly inclined to do).  It was a nice meal, and while he certainly drank enough, we had a great time and made plans to hang out again, though we never did.

Instead, he started either calling or texting all the time for advice.  What do you think about this?  What do you think about that?  How did you handle this in your life?  This just happened to me, how would you handle it?  How could I become more successful in life like you seem to be?

I put up with this for about two months.  I know, I know, but don't forget... I'm a nice guy!

I eventually explained to him that I really didn't have any interest in carrying on a one-sided anything with anyone.  It was always about him, and he seldom bothered to even ask about me or what was going on in my life.  He was crazy needy, and became angry when I pointed it out to him.

It eventually turned into a cray-cray stream of texts, and I had to set his number to be ignored.

I don't know why I let this go on for so long.  Maybe I liked some sense of being needed?  I dunno, but I think it definitely helped me with identifying the type of balance I need in my life.  My take away from this was to just not let anyone waste my time.


[In order to protect the "innocent", all dates I write about are called "David" or "Dave".  Any resemblances to actual Davids or Daves, Jims, James, Toms, Mikes, or Greggs, living or dead is purely coincidental.  Oh, and all nightmare dates are delayed by at least 90 days, "just because".]